


An Aching Head And An Aching World

by Aranhin



Category: The Secret World
Genre: M/M, don't send your crush nudes from your work phone while black out drunk in a motel, fixing bad decisions, just don't do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 13:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14874752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aranhin/pseuds/Aranhin
Summary: Hangovers aside, Mooney wakes up to discover he's made some... less than stellar decisions.written for yet another Apiary Shenanigans contest





	An Aching Head And An Aching World

"Don’t take this the wrong way: you’re the dumbest person alive."

"Cassini, please. Please, for the love of… Whatever you worship. The servers. Your tech. Billy Corgan-- Whatever. Please."

It is a Sunday morning, early early. What Cassini is doing in the office, Mooney has no idea - though he isn't sure she ever actually leaves. He's never seen her out of the office, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. He spends as little time here as possible. And now, here he is, about to spend as much time here as he needs to in order to get his way.

 

_He was hungover. Gods, he was so hungover. How he'd ended up sleeping in the bathtub, he wasn't sure - just as he wasn't sure where his shirt was. Or his pants._

_He'd woken up in his boxers (securely on) and his boots (unlaced and half-off), draped in the cold, dirty porcelain tub of a grungy motel bathroom he did not recognise. He'd managed to lean as far as the lidless toilet before vomiting._

_And that's when his phone buzzed. It took a long moment for him to track down the offending creature - it involved finding his pants, so there was that taken care of - and then stared down at the message on the screen._

  _< unknown>: Uh, sorry, who is this? Your number isn't in my phone._

_ <unknown>: I think you may have sent these to me by mistake…? Sorry… _

_He unlocked his phone and stared at the number for a long time. It was James Wood's number - he recognised the area code - but why wouldn't James have his number in his phone? And why would it come back as unknown? He definitely had James' number in his phone…_

_… Mistake?_

_He scrolled up slightly, and then sat down on the dusty motel room carpet. There, above the confused responses, were several… images. Pictures. Selfies._

_Selfies of himself, in a less than clothed state, in some less than fortuitous positions. Compromising positions._

_At least they were tasteful. Mostly. And none of them included his face. Somehow, even in his drunken state, he'd managed that._

_It was then that he realized the issue. The unsaved numbers._

_This was his business phone, not his personal phone._

_He'd sent James Wood, a Known Heterosexual and Civilian, nudes from his Official Illuminati-issue Secret Agent Business Phone._

_A phone which had all of its data automatically backed up onto Illuminati servers once a week on Sunday evenings, which was not a process he could stop. Which was not a process he knew enough about to even consider interfering with it._

_The Illuminati, widely known for hoarding their data, was going to have his tasteful nudes backed up onto their servers permanently._

_He was so going to be terminated._

_But..._

  


"Cassini, please. Cassini, the Pyramidion does not need to see my nudes."

Mooney leans over to watch her hands fly over the keyboard, wondering how she manages to concentrate on… whatever she's doing… and can still hold a conversation with him at the same time - if you can call his abject begging a conversation.

"I mean he probably already has, I'm just saying." She glances up at him over her shoulder, a cheeky grin plastered across her face.  

Mooney rolls his eyes, and ducks his head. "Ok - KG doesn't need to see my nudes. Ever. I'm too gay and she's too… my boss, and terrifying, honestly, and..." He's still hungover. By a long shot. No amount of caffeine and pain meds are going to solve this any time soon.

 

_He couldn't go to Moca Loca for coffee - no. Gods no. He wouldn't be going there any time soon, not if he could help it. Besides, there wasn't exactly time._

_Mooney hopped through Agartha as fast as he could manage - which, under the circumstances, wasn't really that fast. He was sluggish at best, and had to stop between jump pads to quell his rioting stomach._

_It was at the hub that connected New York, London, Seoul, and Venice, as he was leaning on his knees and gulping in air in an attempt to get the world to stop spinning, that someone put a gentle hand on his shoulder._  

_When he didn't look up immediately, the person squatted in front of him, and it was the blue hoodie that gave their identity away. It was Yumi's friend - Rhiannon. The mute Templar. She looked up at him with some mix of curiosity and patience, maybe even worry, and waited, hands clasped around a large cup of iced coffee._

_"I'm. Very hungover." He managed, after several long moments._

_Her eyes said 'No Shit, Buddy' even as her mouth pursed sympathetically._

_"Did something real dumb," He added, though it wasn't strictly necessary._

_She stared for a moment longer, and then, like some kind of Hangover Angel, she rummaged around in her pockets and pulled out a bottle of pain meds and an energy drink. And offered them to him. She even opened the bottle when the child-proof lid turned out to be hungover-idiot-proof too._

_And when he'd swallowed twice the recommended dose of meds and chugged half the horrid, chemical-flavored energy drink without vomiting any of it back up, she pulled him upright again and patted him on the back to send him on his way._

_Hangover Angel, indeed._

 

After what feel like a decade, Cassini tilts her head to one side, and asks, "... What do I get out of this?"

What could he offer a hacker with what was probably the whole world at her fingertips? "My eternal gratitude?"

She scoffs. "Uh-huh. Sure. You really don't know what a girl wants, do you?"

"I'm gay, what do you expect?" But even as he stands there, staring down at her desk, his eyes catch on her wastebasket. "I'll buy your coffee for a month."

This makes her fingers pause. "... Make it two."

"Three," Mooney offers, in hopes that sweetening the deal will cement it better, "And we pretend this never happened."

"Done."

  


* * *

 

 

 _ <Rhii>: You'll never guess who I stumbled into on my way through Agartha. _ 

Yumi glances at her phone, and then tilts her head at Rhiannon.

_ <Rhii>: Your Lumie. Moon-something? _

_ <Rhii>: He was. Spectacularly hungover. _

_ <Rhii>: Said he did something dumb. _

"Oh boy," Yumi laughs, and pulls open the door to Moca Loca.

 _ <Rhii>: _¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_ <Rhii>: So uh? Look forward to that I guess _

The business is near-empty - unsurprising given that they're here maybe half an hour before closing. It's James and Chloe behind the counter, and James perks up noticeably upon seeing them - and then looks out the windows as though in search of someone. A small crease knits together between his eyebrows as they reach the counter, and his gaze snaps back to the two of them.

"Your usuals?" James is bouncing on the balls of his feet behind the counter. When both girls nodd, and have paid, he adds, "Your friend not with you? Ian? Shame… Well - I'll just have to tell you two. The funniest thing happened last night."

This, of all things, catches Yumi's attention. For a moment she entertains the idea that Moon-moon's 'something dumb' was the same as James' 'funniest thing', but… No, it must be chance.

Upon their interested looks, he continues. "Someone sent me nudes."

Yumi almost chokes. "Someone?" She glances at Rhiannon. Rhiannon is clutching her phone as though she might explode. Surely not… It has to be coincidence.

"Yeah - it wasn't a number I recognised. Some guy sent me nudes on accident."

There is a moment of silence, until Yumi finally manages a small, "Yeah?" And her phone begins to buzz persistently.

_ <Rhii>: oh my god _

"Honest. I'd be mad but they weren't just, you know, a dick pick or something, these were--"

_ <Rhii>: oH MY GOD _

"--Like tasteful and well taken. Weird setting - some kinda old bathtub--"

_ <Rhii>: Holy shit. I'm going to lose my goddamn mind _

"--But the dude was fucking fit." James finally pauses, and passes their drinks from Chloe to them. "Not, like. Shredded or anything. Just. Really, really good looking, you know?"

And then he keeps going.

_ <Rhii>: I'm _

_ <Rhii>: wait does he know we're both lesbians? How would we know about hot dudes??? _

_ <Rhii>: oh my god _

_ <Rhii>: can I tell him? _

_ <Rhii>: I'm gonna tell him _

_ <Yumi>: omg _

_ <Yumi>: don't you dare _

"Anyways…" James clears his throat, abruptly seeming to realize he's been rambling. About another man's nudes. "I can't wait to tell Ian. Seems like something he'd get a real kick out of."

Rhii makes a sound that's somewhere between choked laughter and clearing her throat, and then takes a long sip of her coffee to cover it up.

It's Yumi who finally smiles at James, the closest she can get to something genuine without laughing. "Oh, yeah, do. He'll love it. Trust me, he'll love it…"

 

 


End file.
